Saturday, September 20, 2008

Review: Mega Monster

The Mega Monster Energy drink is one of those things that claims you can never get too much of a good thing. It says it right on the can. So you assume it's OK to down as many of these suckers as humanly possible, right? Wrong. Right after the can says you can't have too much Monster it almost immediately contradicts itself with a little warning label that suggests a limit of two cans per day. Now, most people read from top to bottom and left to right, yes? So you read the statement telling you to drink as much as you can but chances are you won't read far enough to find out that this aluminum can is a liar that is trying to kill you. Brilliant marketing!

In all seriousness, though, don't drink too much of this stuff. Two cans is about a 4th of what I intake, so that limit is probably a little haphazard, but it's just to keep you from overdosing on caffeine... which sucks. Trust me.

The Mega Monster Energy drink was, at the time of it's release, a major breakthrough in the energy drink market. Why is this? Let's find out.

The supplement is about 3 servings packed into a single can. That's 24 0z, people, and last time I checked that was a little much for one person to drink in a single setting without having to stop drinking to drain their main vein every 6.34 minutes. That's why Monster began looking for a new feature to implement with this beast of a supplement. That feature is the groundbreaking innovation known as CAP CAN technology. This feature allows you to place a cap on your drink every 6.34 minutes so you can go drain your vein (God I hate saying that) without your beverage going flat! Or you could keep your drink safe from spills while traveling or just save some for a later time. BRILLIANT!

As I'm sure you already know, I love this product. I drink at least 2 a day, usually more, and still can't get enough of it. In fact, I drink so much that I honest to goodness pee blood on the occasion. I can't be sure if the blood draining from my vein (dammit. Sorry) is directly related to my caffeine abuse, but it makes me sound cool to say that's what it's from.

Anyway, the Mega Monster is basically just a larger can of Monster Energy with the resealable cap on the top. It clocks in at "about 3 servings" for "just a little more coin." There's also a little bit of value to be had here. A standard 2-serving can of the green drug will run you, at standard rates, $1.99. The Mega costs $2.49 for "about" 3 servings. For those of you who can't do 5th grade math, that comes out to approximately $.50 for an extra serving when you go with the Mega as opposed to the standard's (approx.) $1.00 on the serving. You just saved fifty cents. Now, fifty cents may not sound like much, but if you buy 5 Megas you've saved enough to buy another one. Just keep that in mind next time you feel like being cheap.

Final Words:
So basically all the Mega Monster is is a larger serving of the standard liquid gold that is Monster Energy. The wonderfully smooth taste, the heavenly aroma, the deliciously soft texture washing between your teeth and onto your tongue like the most graceful of ocean waves right before being taken into your body in one lovely swallow. YEAH! The kick is bigger due to more volume and you have some you can save for later as well as saving $.5o on the serving. This is a solid product that deserves your cash in exchange for some amazing energy as well as an all-around enjoyable beverage.

Taste: 9.0/10 (Monster is easily the best tasting supplement on the market, IMO)
Aroma: 9.0/10 (I love to take a big whiff right before the first big gulp. So delicious)
Value: 8.0/10 (While you are saving 50 cents, 2.49 is a little steep for the standard consumer)
CAP CAN: pretty damn neat/10 (Keeps my drink fresh all day at work)

Props to Brandon for helping me realize I'm also incapable of fifth grade math!


ben patterson said...

There is no more of a perfect person to write a review about Monster than you Zac. props, nig.

Brandon said...

3 servings at $.50/serv would come out to $1.50. Guess you can't do basic math yourself. One serving of mega would cost about $.83.

Regardless, you're a much better writer than I gave you credit for originally.

Zac Pritcher said...

Thanks Brandon. I updated the post with correct information and gave you props at the bottom.